Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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