So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
