capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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