My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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