My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
