her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
