spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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