I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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