Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
