Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
