why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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