Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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