You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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