Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
