do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
