He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
