Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
