So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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