i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize