Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
