I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
