he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
