You really coming over, don't trick.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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