So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize