Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
