let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
