i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
