You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
