Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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