Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
