Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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