end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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