When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
