what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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