I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
