I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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