I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
