Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
