why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize