I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
