so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
