he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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