Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

I'm on that like soy sauce on rice

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit

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(612): View more from Minnesota

No subtext here. People are naked.

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(260): View more from Indiana

I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme

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(513): View more from Ohio

The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon

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(304): View more from West Virginia

When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.

(606): View more from Kentucky

Fuck him.

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(+61): View more from Australia

there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall

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