Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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