I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
