Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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