sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
