Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
