he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
