Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
