are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
