What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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