I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
