I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
