WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
