i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
