Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
