So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize