Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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