Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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