FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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