Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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