Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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