speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
