she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
