How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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